I tried to warn them.

When I got an e-mail from Wax Records asking me to think about doing some giveaways for the new Cartel album, I replied very frankly: “i only review vinyl, and i only review stuff i like.”* They sent me four Cartel cds anyway.

I can’t review this record. Literally, I can’t review it, because I just can’t listen to it. I get about :30 into it, and I break out in hives and get a nosebleed. I think I’m physically allergic to it.

The reason I only want to review things I like is because, really, no one needs bad press, and I don’t have time to write about things I don’t like. I’m sure some people will think the Cartel album “rocks” or “rolls” or “doesn’t fuck yr ears with razor blades.” Unfortunately, I am not one of those people.

So I’m gonna leave this one to the experts. I am not an expert in pop-punk (?), and I don’t have the knowledge to place this record in its historical context. And hell, even if I could, I’m not sure that I would want to spend an hour of my time trying to do so. I’m busy like that.

So, to be honest and fair to Wax, I’m gonna do some giveaways. I’m doing a double giveaway! I’ve for four (4) copies of the new Cartel album / hi-tech plastic drink coaster  “Cycles.” Whoever can write to me first and tell me why they love or hate Cartel, will get a copy / coaster. Trust me, this is an excellent album / coaster. If you love pop-punk, yr gonna shit yr pants over the slick awesomeness of this album (especially the first :30 of it). If you hate pop-punk, yr gonna love how awesomely this plastic disc works to keep yr coffee table drink-ring free.

write to me at everyoneisdoomed {AT} gmail {DOT} com

p.s. no links in this post. if you really care, you can find the links yrself.

*This was a bit of a dodge. I don’t actually review anything. But I’m starting today.